Elder Price was wrong about Orlando

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Orlando is an amazing place. It’s warm, welcoming and hopelessly inefficient to the extent that a corporation run by a giant mouse has been given preferential treatment in an attempt to paper over all that is wrong with the port of entry.

Last year (2016 for those reading this in the future), this Arsehole decided to visit Orlando and visit many local attractions. Of course, much went wrong and this needed to be righted.

After flying in on Delta Airlines via the hub that connects the various cities, afterlives and inconveniences of most people, I was greeted with the worst possible arrival experience that someone could possibly anticipate. The signage upon arrival is limited, undifferentiated and directs all towards unending carpet corridors that afford wear to the wheels of one’s carry on, offense to one’s nostrils and unrelenting contamination and damage to the soles of one’s shoes.

I had afforded myself the luxury of having transportation from this airport to my accommodations organised well in advance of my arrival, however the poor organisation constructs and resultant choke points enabled by the designers of this particular point of entry resulted in the sequence of me getting to baggage collection at the same time as many other passengers on all of the other “traditional” US airline arrivals, seeing my bag take over 35 minutes past my arrival to get to collection and my very patient driver Matt still offering to happily take my bags and give me a bottle of Pepsi Max as requested.

The airport is a terrible, terrible place. By the time my bags had returned to my possession, aging had seen my sperm count drop more than Tony Abbott’s relevance.

Of course, this particular Arsehole cannot afford consideration to the transport providers that demand payment for carriage to this particular gaping maw. Thus, a letter was written:

Dear Delta,

Upon arrival at MCO, I was subjected to an onslaught of inefficiency, disorganisation and confusion of staff. After overcoming the presented obstacles I encountered a baggage collection area that promised delivery of my possessions whilst the previously-organised transportation agent patiently waited for my response to the SMS they had sent, generously expecting that the delay was attributable to the crowding present in the arrival area due to the poor operations of the airport in question.

I understand that Delta has no control over the specific operations of the airport, however the fees paid to the airport for my carriage were paid to Delta and I expect that consideration of the inconvenience I experienced and the additional cost imposed upon me due to the delays caused by the confusion that was enabled by overcrowding and poor scheduling will be appropriate.



Delta are a wonderful airline!

Dear Arsehole,

Please take 25,000 SkyMiles by way of apology.

Love Delta


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